


Darkest Caress

by AvariceNSpice



Category: Lords of the Underworld - Gena Showalter
Genre: Computer Geeks, F/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, Slow Build, chatrooms, mixed female character, short chapters at first, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvariceNSpice/pseuds/AvariceNSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Torin, ancient warrior and keeper of disease, only meant to waste a few minutes in a chatroom. Penelope, computer geek and baking junkie, only wanted someone to talk to. But the Fates have a funny way of twisting things and they've decided that it's finally time for Torin to find some happiness. This is a story of insecurities, the mistakes we make, and the people who make it okay</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Even The Most Complicated Of Things Start Out Simple

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so for this story we’re going to pretend that the timeline for LOTU starts on the same year that the first book came out. (2008) So yah. I’ve only read a few of the books, so please tell me if you see something I should add. The first few chapters will be Torin and my character communicating through out the years. They will be very short, but I want to create a dynamic between them before they meet in person. Please bear with it for a while, and tell me what you think. If anyone wants to be my beta reader and help me with storyline and keeping Torin in character, then PLEASE contact me.

**_April 10th, 2008_  **

_"And this  is how it looks when I am standing on the edge_

_And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground_

_And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain_

_And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away”_

Nel mouthed the words to the song as she stared at her computer. She watched pictures pass on the blue background and smiled when a few caught her interest. She reblogged the ones that made her laugh, meant something, or just generally caught her interest. After about fifteen minutes, she was fully engrossed in this cycle. She was so engrossed, in fact, that she almost didn't hear the small ‘bing’.

She spent a second confused before she realized where it was coming from. She flitted through her tabs before pulling up the window containing a chat room. She’d opened it up more than a few weeks ago, and after about 2 hours she’d given up on finding anyone remotely interesting to talk to. She usually left it open just for the hell of it. It didn't bother her, or anyone else, so she didn't see any harm in it. Besides, as long as she remained idle, no one would bother her anyway. It seemed, however, that someone had deemed her interesting enough to talk to. Slightly weary, she began to type back.

**Tor: TAO?**

**Tor: Hello?**

**010101000100000101001111: What?**

**Tor: TAO? You went through all that trouble to put it in binary code. What does it stand for?**

Nel sat back in her worn office chair and blinked owlishly. She hadn't expected anyone to actually understand her obscure screen name. Thinking back on it though, she probably should have. What with her being on the internet and all, someone had to get it eventually.

**010101000100000101001111: You can actually read it?**

**Tor: Yes.**

**010101000100000101001111: Really?**

**Tor: Yes. Now are you ever going to answer my question?**

**010101000100000101001111: It’s just something stupid.**

**Tor: Well it can’t be stupid if it meant enough for you to choose it.**

**010101000100000101001111: Touche my friend. It’s just an acronym.**

**Tor: Your name?**

**010101000100000101001111: Not quite. It’s more of an embodiment. It stands for ‘The Awkward One’**

**Tor: Hahaha, why would you choose that of all things?**

**010101000100000101001111: Weren't you listening? It’s an embodiment of me. I’m awkward as fuck.**

**Tor: Language**

**010101000100000101001111: What about it?**

**Tor: You should watch it.**

**010101000100000101001111: Why? It seems you’re already doing it for me.**

**Tor: Someone’s witty.**

**010101000100000101001111: So I've been told. Try to keep up.**

Nel smiled and prepared herself for a night of typing.

 

Miles and miles away, a pale haired man did the same.


	2. Chapter 2: Faces Can Be Deceiving, But Words Are Even More So

**July 7** **th** **, 2010**

Nel walked to her house in a hurry. If she was lucky, she'd catch her friend before he went to bed for the night. Or got up for the morning. Whichever. Tor kept odd hours, but then again, so did she. Although out of the two of them, she was probably the one who should've been going to bed on time.

Not that he knew that. In fact, to be perfectly honest she didn't  _really_  know if his hours were that odd. She didn't know where he was from, or even his age, but that didn't really matter to her. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend or anything else like it. Because of that, she couldn't care less whether he was 10, 18, or 52. As long as he continued to amuse her, and be a good friend she was fine. He hadn't asked for anything personal, and so in turn neither had she. She had, however, given him her name voluntarily. It wasn't her full name, so she hadn't seen any harm in it.

They'd mostly talked about pop culture, likes, computers, and dislikes for the last two years. To be honest, she hadn't known you could argue so thoroughly over who was the best Robin. She hadn't known that it was possible to talk to a person whom you've never met for over two hours almost weekly either. She also hadn't known how to hack into a government database before she met Tor, but that was a whole other cup of tea. At this point though, she didn't really care if he knew what state she lived in. It wasn't like he could find her anyway.

Once home, Nel walked briskly to her room, making sure to lock the front door behind her. Truth be told, she couldn't wait to talk to Tor. He was witty, and he always replied, even if it took him a day or two. Plus he got her jokes, and didn't take offense when she started cussing like a sailor. Well, outside his obvious need to call her out on her language that is.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts of her new friend; she almost didn't notice Ms. Liv in the living room. She was halfway through her doorway when Ms. Liv's voice startled her enough to slam into the door frame. Wincing, she turned around.

"You okay darlin'?" Ms. Liv asked from her place at the beginning of the hallway. She had an amused smirk on her pretty face.

Nel nodded with a blush on her face and gave her a small smile. She was pretty clumsy at the best of times, and she hated the fact that there were almost always people there to see it. It probably had to do with the fact that she was so easily distracted. Nevertheless, she had better things to do then dwell on her shortcomings.

With another smile to Ms. Liv, she went into her room and locked the door. Now normally Ms. Liv didn't allow locks on the doors, but over the years Nel had earned her trust. Plus, Nel had some valuable stuff in her room that she'd rather not find the other kids with. When she'd told Ms. Liv about her concerns, instead of coming home to a lock box or a safe like they'd talked about, she'd come home to a shiny new lock on her door. Nel had been absolutely ecstatic, and she relished the thought that she wouldn't have to worry about the other kids going through her stuff anymore. Ms. Liv didn't tolerate thievery or privacy invasions, but she couldn't always stop it either.

While Nel waited for her laptop to start up, she hunted through her snack drawer for something to snack on. She pulled out a bag off apple crisps before logging on to her user. She'd exchanged emails with Tor some time ago so that they wouldn't have to worry about chatrooms. After a few minutes, she had everything set up and ready to go. She typed a quick hello, before starting on her homework. It'd probably be a while before Tor replied, and she needed something to keep her occupied.

._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._. ._.-._.-._.

Torin sat silently in front of his computer monitor, hands clasped beneath his chin. For what seemed like the millionth time in the last hour or so, he'd found his mind wondering towards an odd girl with quick wit. He'd been busy with more important things, but he'd seen her little message around 6 am. Now it was 8, and he'd decided to finally reply.

His only dilemma was that he didn't know what to say. He could just reply with a 'How was your day?' or a "Hello.", but that wouldn't be very interesting. Half of the appeal that talking to Nel held was the fact that she was so quick on her feet. If you shot something at her, she shot right back. It was probably one of his only sources of amusement these days.

Smirking to himself, Torin finally decided to stop overthinking things and just message back before she went to sleep.

**Tor: You awake?**

**010101000100000101001111: Nope. I'm typing subconsciously. Aren't I the best?**

**Tor: I don't know. I've seen some pretty amazing things.**

**010101000100000101001111: Like what?**

**Tor: Nothing you'd be interested in.**

**010101000100000101001111: How will I know what I will or will not be interested in unless you tell me?**

**Tor: Trust me on this one, Nel.**

**010101000100000101001111: Pssshhh. How can I trust someone when I've never even seen they're face? Besides, you're just deflecting. If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. :P**

**Tor: I'm not deflecting anything.**

**010101000100000101001111: Aren't you?**

Torin smiled softly to himself. Yah, this girl was interesting. Now that he thought about it though, she was right. She'd never seen his face, she didn't really know his name. She knew virtually nothing about him, except what he'd shown her through his words.

It was a bit unfair, considering the fact that he'd researched her the moment they'd started talking. He hadn't really wanted to do it, but it was necessary. The Hunters had sent women directly to the mountain in the past, what was to stop them from trying to get to him through the internet? The very real threat had prompted him to check the girl's background, and what he'd found had melted his heart. After reading up on her, he'd realized that even Hunters couldn't have simply 'created' her. She was a real person, who had a real personality, who wasn't sent to try and kill him. It was a nice thought. It was only too bad that she could never be a true friend.

Although… After the deep invasion of privacy, she deserved to know a little bit about him in return. She was old enough now anyway. Besides, he'd wanted to see her reactions to their exchanges for a long time now. The words simply weren't enough.

**Tor: Do you have a web cam?**

Torin knew she did, but it was polite to ask.

**010101000100000101001111: Why?**

He smiled. It made him happy that she was weary, as strange as it sounded. The world could be a horrible place.

**Tor: I was thinking we could chat face to face, even if it can't be in person.**

It could never be in person.

**010101000100000101001111: I have a cam…. But are you sure you want to do that?**

**Tor: What makes you think I don't?**

**010101000100000101001111: I dunno. You've never been very forthcoming with information before. Seems like a pretty big leap to be showing your ugly mug off like that. I mean I could come and hunt you down with that kind of material.**

**Tor: If I was worried about any of that, I wouldn't be asking.**

Torin leaned close to the monitor and rested on his forearms while he waited for her to reply. He had his gloves off for the moment, but he was alone in his room, and he had the door locked. His gloves were within close reach in case of emergencies though.

Almost three minutes passed before Nel replied.

**010101000100000101001111: Okay.**

**Tor: Yes?**

**010101000100000101001111: Yeah.**

**Tor: What took you so long?**

**010101000100000101001111: Had to set up my camera. You need some time to set yours up?**

**Tor: No. I already have it done.**

**010101000100000101001111: Wow, you were just expecting me to say yes weren't you?**

**Tor: Something like that. I'm going to open up video now.**

**010101000100000101001111: Kay. Don't laugh at me.**

**Tor: Why would I laugh?**

**010101000100000101001111: Because I'm awkward. I thought we had this conversation already?**

**Tor: I promise I won't.**

And he wouldn't. He valued their companionship too much to compromise it in any way.

**010101000100000101001111: Kay.**

**010101000100000101001111: And Tor?**

**Tor: Yes?**

**010101000100000101001111: Just to be clear next time you don't want to tell me something, just say that you don't want to tell me. You don't have to go into aversion mode level 90000.**

Torin didn't know how to respond to that, so he shook his head, and adjusted his camera. He was glad that he had his gloves off and his hair pulled back. If she asked about his hair, he could play it off as dye, but the gloves would be hard to explain. Especially since he had already told her he wasn't into cosplay. After turning down the brightness on his monitor, Torin opened up the video chat program.

He could feel his heart beating in excitement, and he took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. Nel was just a friend, but she was the first friend he'd made in years, not counting the confusing thing he had going on with Cameo. She was the first friend he'd had the courage to make in years. Perhaps it was because internet friendships required no physical contact, and they were socially accepted these days, or maybe it was because he was getting lonely since the Lords all seemed to be gaining new lovers. Whatever it was, he was glad for it. It finally allowed him to have a little bit of the interaction he'd been craving for centuries. He'd gotten lucky with Nel though, and he'd thanked the Gods for that.

Lost in his reverie, he'd looked away from the screen and at a blank spot on his wall. It probably would have taken him much longer to look back at his computer if it wasn't for the soft 'oh' that came from the state of the art speakers on his computers. Slightly surprised, he turned his stare towards the screen. His cool green gaze softened as he met soft, stunned brown. He could tell that he was not what Nel had expected. To be fare though, she was not what he had expected either.

He'd briefly seen a picture of her when he'd looked into her files, and he hadn't ever stopped to really think of how much she would have changed in the last two years. Or how little.

The picture he'd seen had depicted curly haired, chubby cheeked 16 year old with a generous smattering of freckles across her tan skin. The wide eyed expression she'd worn in the picture had made her look all the younger. Torin vaguely remembered thinking at one point that her expression had to have been practice, because there was no way someone could look  _that_  innocent. Looking at her now though, he knew that any projection of purity she gave off was completely effortless.

It seemed that even at 18 she still had the looks of someone much younger. Her face had slimmed slightly, but still remained round, and the freckles she'd had two years ago had only multiplied, giving her skin the look of creamy cocoa sprinkled with cinnamon. Her brown eyes seemed even larger than they already were behind a plain pair of black glasses, and even with her hair in a tight ponytail, stray curls escaped from their confines to frame her face. Suddenly, Torin caught his eyes roaming lower and he cursed silently. Despite all else, the obvious swell of her chest definitely signified that she was a maturing women.

He swallowed thickly and forced his gaze back up to her face. She was staring straight at him, which signified that her eyes hadn't been roaming as his had. There was an awkward silence. Suddenly he found himself feeling guilty, and he decided to break the tension.

"So, you still think my mug is an ugly one?"

He'd expected a snarky come back, or at least a normal answer. Instead, he watched as her face darkened from its natural mocha color to a reddish hue that burned all the brighter on her freckled cheeks. Instead of being disappointed in her offline attitude, he found himself smiling.

The blush… Looked good on her, it put life in her cheeks, made her seem all the more real. He liked it. Suddenly Torin found himself wanting to make her do it as often as possible. If all it took was a few offhanded remarks, then it would be remarkably easy. As he thought of ways to make her skin tint red, he abruptly found his mind wondering to less than pure places. Even stained with the color of her blush, her skin still looked perfect to him. Torin wondered what if it would feel as soft as it looked against his fingertips. Or better yet his lips, perhaps even his tongue. Maybe if he licked and nipped his way down the smooth column of her neck, that delicious blush of hers would spread all the way to-

"I dunno, I was just trying to see through all the damn gloom you surround yourself in. Don't they have lights where you're at?"

He shivered as Nel pulled him out of his thoughts once again. God, he was quickly turning into the very type of person Nel had been trying to avoid online the day they'd met. A sick fucking pervert. He couldn't believe it, but she was getting him hot and they hadn't even talked for a solid five minutes.

Torin took a deep breath and reminded himself of a few very crucial facts.

She was only 18.

They may have been talking for over 2 years, but she would never be able to learn every detail of his life like Cameo and the other Lords.

He could never touch her anyway.

He had Cameo. He would not make it a habit of trying to seduce every female that bothered to talk to him.

Significantly cooled off, he laughed, and basked in the sound of her voice. It was a warm, soft sound. He thought it fitting, considering her looks. Tonight, he would keep his mind on one thing, and one thing only: having a conversation with someone who didn't look at him like he was a disease. Even when in all actuality, he was.

"Yes, Nel. We have lights here in Budapest."

Torin watched as Nel's eyes widened and her mouth hung open a little. He decided that telling her his location would benefit them both at this point. She would finally be able to send her messages at better times.

"You live in  _Budapest_?" she asked.

He laughed at her obvious tone of amazement.

"Yes, is there a problem with that?"

"No- I mean wowza, you live like,  _extremely_ far away. How big is the time difference there? I mean I live in Washington. Am I keeping you up? I'm sorry if I am. You can go to sleep if-"

"Okay stop."

Torin had to cut her off. She'd started rambling in a quiet breathless voice, and he'd almost had a hernia trying to keep himself from laughing at the poor girl. Her face was screwed up with embarrassment, and her blush still hadn't quite gone away. He gathered his thoughts before they could wonder again, and he prepared to answer her questions.

"The time difference is about 9 hours, and no you're not keeping me up. If anything,  _I'm_  keeping  _you_ up. How old are you anyway, 12?"

He already knew she was 18, but she didn't know that. Torin thought it would be a good idea to ask her about the things he shouldn't have known before he slipped up. Besides, he couldn't resist cracking that joke, and he needed a reminder of exactly how young she really was.

" I'm 18, dumbass. How old are you, 72? I mean from what I can see you've got the whole white hair thing going pretty well."

To his astonishment, she managed to flip him the bird and thoroughly tell him off, all with a blush and that tiny voice of hers. This time, he couldn't keep himself from laughing. He was used to her wisecracks and language online, in typed form, but it seemed in real life they were quite at odds with her appearance.

"I thought you said you weren't gonna laugh at me?" she mumbled while hiding her mouth behind her sleeve.

Torin only laughed harder. By the time he finally calmed down, she had moved her hand slightly and he could tell that she was smiling slightly at him. He gave her a wide smile in return, even though she probably couldn't see it in the low lighting.

"I'm not 72." He told her, still grinning. By answering her questions, he was setting himself up for a game of truths, lies, and half truths.

"Oh? Then how old are you then?"

"I'm thousands of years old."

It was the truth.

She snorted at him and rolled her eyes.

"No really, Tor. How old are you?"

He spent a second thinking of a reasonable age before he replied.

"I'm 24, unlike you I'm old enough to swim with the big boys instead of getting kicked out to the kiddie pool."

Lie. But he'd told her the truth and she hadn't believed him, so he didn't feel bad about that one.

"Oh I bet you like that don't you? All those mature firm asses in swimsuits to lust over."

The blush was back full blast, but she was grinning like a madman behind her sleeve.

He'd never actually swam in a swimming pool, let alone with other people. He wouldn't until they found all the artifacts, maybe not even then.

"I've got to say, I do love a good bikini."

But she didn't need to know that.

"I don't know Tor, I wouldn't put a dude in a bikini myself, but whatever floats your boat I guess."

"Who said anything about males?"

"Oh I just assumed. Am I wrong?"

Tor crossed his arms and leaned back, getting a bit more comfortable before continuing their conversation.

"Do I really give off that kind of impression? Because I assure you, I love ladies,  _very_  thoroughly."

Okay he hadn't meant for his voice to sound so husky when he said that.

"I bet."

Especially since Nel was now averting her gaze awkwardly.

Torin decided it was time for a change of topic.

"So I've been trying to come up with a new prank to pull on my friend's"

She immediately brightened and his breath caught when an excited light made her dark eyes shine.

"The one's you live with? I remember you said once that you live in a big house and have a lot of roommates. "

"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, do you have any ideas?"

Once again her face flushed, and he realized that it was going to be an extremely common occurrence.

"Well didn't you order all those blow up dolls once? And aren't a lot of the guys married now? And didn't you say they left a lot?"

"Yes and yes and yes."

Oh he really wanted to see where she was going with this.

"I know this is going to sound weird, but is there any way you could get customizable blow up dolls? Except of the guys this time, and the next time they leave, right before they come back plant their blow up doll look alikes in their beds with a sign that says 'You've been replaced'."

That would definitely piss off his over possessive friends, and Torin could do nothing but grin at the blushing female who sat in front of her own computer screen thousands of miles away. There was a reason why they got along so well.


	3. Chapter 3: You're (Not) My Addiction

**October 18** **th** **, 2010**

Nel sat half dead in her desk chair as she and Torin typed back and forth. It was nearly 4 am, but she just couldn't seem to end the conversation. She was going to be a complete zombie at her lectures tomorrow, but talking to Torin was worth it.

Over the past few months they'd video chatted a handful of times, but in that time she'd managed to learn more personal things about her friend then she had in two years. Even when not on video, they'd talked about things like their living habits; she kept her living space mostly in order, while his looked like a common frat house. They talked about clothing styles; his was more of a 'wear plain things that cover my skin' kind of look, hers was a 'wear whatever's the most comfortable'. They'd also touched on more personal things, like familial situations. It seemed that both of them were sensitive about the issue, however, because they'd both divulged the bare minimum. Nel had said she was in foster care, but not why. Torin had said he had no living blood relatives, but not what happened to them. Neither one of them had pried after that.

Tonight's topic had veered into the 'sensitive subject' side of things for the first half of the night. Well, at least to her it was. After all, one didn't talk about sex with an awesome guy every day. Nel didn't know how or when, but somehow their conversation had deviated from social ideologies to sex.

She'd been extremely embarrassed when he'd brought it up, but she'd soldiered on. She was 19 dammit, she could handle this. At that moment, Nel had been tremendously glad that they hadn't been video chatting; if they had, she probably would have died on the spot. In the following hour she'd learned that Torin was indeed completely straight, but that he'd never slept with a woman. The very thought had boggled her mind, and it still did. Torin was an awesome guy, and from his response when she asked she could tell that he seemed to have a pretty healthy libido.

And then there was the little fact that Torin was completely gorgeous. From what she could see in the dim lighting Torin insisted on being in, he was exquisite. The first time she'd seen him, Nel had been absolutely shocked. She'd been expecting a skinny kid with a monitor tan worse than hers; instead she'd been presented with a guy so achingly beautiful that it'd shocked her to her very core. His skin was such a pale color that it looked almost sickly, but when paired with those wicked green eyes of his it only added to his allure. To top off his ethereal looks, he had hair that put even the purest of snow to shame with its flawless white color. The fact that Nel had never really paid attention to a guy's physical features before only cemented how striking his looks were.

All in all Torin had been absolutely stunning. The revelation had frightened her at first. Over the years she'd learned that guys half as good looking as him just didn't associate with girls like her, and she had been worried that he'd stop talking to her now that he'd seen her not so magnificent face. She was pleasantly surprised, however, when Torin had carried on normally, as if nothing had changed between them. And truly, nothing had. Though their individual personalities had made their communication face to face a little bit different, but the dynamic had still been the same. For that, she was extremely appreciative.

Nel let out a jaw cracking yawn and turned back to the conversation.

**Tor: So what're you wearing?**

In an attempt not to wake anyone, Nel smothered her laugh in her arm. They'd been talking about odd pajama choices for the last few minutes, and it seemed Torin had moved on to her.

Truthfully she was only in some baggy pajama bottoms and sweatshirt, but she couldn't resist yanking his chain a little. She blushed scarlet as she began to type at lightening speeds before she lost her nerve.

**010101000100000101001111: A bubblegum pink thong and 6 inch stilettoes.**

**Tor: Really?**

Nel grinned at his response; she could almost imagine the undeniable disbelief the word would carry in that deep voice of his.

**010101000100000101001111: What do you think?**

**Tor: I think that you hate pink and you call thongs butt floss.**

**010101000100000101001111: True and true.**

**Tor: So what are you ACTUALLY wearing?**

Nel glanced down at the disaster that was her favorite sweatshirt. She'd been wearing it while making muffins earlier, and now the black cotton was dusted in a fine layer of white.

**010101000100000101001111: Flour.**

**Tor: Flour?**

**010101000100000101001111: Yes. It's a fine white powder made from wheat and generally used in baking.**

**Tor: I'm well aware of that, Nel, but what I don't know is why exactly you're WEARING it.**

**010101000100000101001111: I wanted some muffins.**

**Tor: What does that have to do with anything?**

**010101000100000101001111: Flour goes into muffins.**

**Tor: Really, Nel? I like computers, that doesn't mean I wear circuits.**

**010101000100000101001111: You should. Think of all the wonderful trends you'd start.**

**Tor: Not likely.**

**010101000100000101001111: Psssh, come on Torin, grow a pair. Defy the laws of fashion! Be the ultimate computer geek god created you to be!**

**Tor: I hate to break it to you Nel, but I don't believe in your god.**

**010101000100000101001111: Oh? Who do you believe in then?**

Nel was curious now. They hadn't talked much about religion, and for good reason. Nel just wasn't much of a Jesus freak. She believed in a higher power, sure, but she never really took the time to limit herself to one god.

**Tor: I guess you would have to say I 'worship' in the Greek Gods. Though I gave up praying to them long ago.**

Nel blinked. Well that was surprise, not many people worshiped the Greek Gods these days. Besides that, the fact that Torin lived in Budapest made it even stranger. Although, he could have grown up in Greece for all she knew. Obviously he wasn't a native of Budapest, but that wasn't something she needed to worry about at the moment. She could mule over that particular subject later.

The more Nel thought about it, the more she figured having a friend who worshiped the Greek Gods was kind of cool. It was different, but cool.

**010101000100000101001111: That's cool. I've never met someone of your religion before.**

**Tor: Yes you have. Me. We met more than 2 years ago.**

Nel rolled her eyes.

**010101000100000101001111: Shut up smartass.**

**Tor: I'm not talking. I'm typing. There's a difference.**

**010101000100000101001111: Same difference.**

**Tor: Not really.**

**010101000100000101001111: Okay really Tor, leave it before I come find you and shove a muffin up your butt.**

**Tor: And they say I'm a freak. But I'll leave it alone; I wouldn't want one of your gross muffins anywhere near me.**

Nel narrowed her eyes. She would address the whole people calling Torin a freak thing later. Right now it was time to wage war.

**010101000100000101001111: Did you just insult my baking skills?**

**Tor: You mean the ones you make up in your head?**

**010101000100000101001111: I'll have you know that my chocolate pecan pies are the most delicious things on this Earth, and my white chocolate macadamia cookies are enough to put a person into a bliss induced coma.**

**Tor: Someone's testy.**

**010101000100000101001111: Damn straight. My baking is the best.**

**Tor: Too bad that I can't taste those coma inducing cookies.**

Nel chewed on her lip absentmindedly. She loved baking, that was a fact, but she loved baking for her friends and family even more. Granted at this point was the only one she baked for these days, but she'd love to give something to Torin. He was her friend, maybe even her best friend, and giving him something would make her extremely happy. Unfortunately, there were a couple of problems. Torin lived in Budapest, and she didn't have his address.

In an attempt to stop hear dismay from spreading, Nel decided to look at the brighter side of things. Maybe if she told Torin her idea, he'd figure something out. Between the two of them there had to be a way.

**010101000100000101001111: Well maybe I can send some to you?**

**Tor: That would be amazing, but do you think they would make it all the way over here?**

Nel hadn't exactly taken time to think about that. Now that he brought it up, though, they wouldn't. But she could make something that would.

Nel yawned loudly and stretched. As soon as they worked this out, she had to go to sleep. If she didn't, she was going to pass out on her keyboard and then sleep straight through her alarm.

**010101000100000101001111: No… But I can make something else. You've had thumbprint cookies right?**

**Tor: No actually.**

**010101000100000101001111: Oh god we really need to get you educated on the wonderful art that is food. I'm sending you thumbprint cookies and there will be no if, ands, or buts about it.**

**Tor: How are you planning on doing that without an address?**

**010101000100000101001111: You're going to give me one. Duh.**

**Tor: What makes you so sure I'm just going to go giving out my address like that?**

**010101000100000101001111: Well either you give it to me, or I waste valuable time tracking your ass down. And I know you know I can do it.**

And she could. He taught her how to advance her computer skills to almost scary levels.

**Tor: Fair enough. I'd rather not have it shipped to the house though. The guys might eat it.**

**010101000100000101001111: You have horrible friends. I'm jealous. But if you really think they'll eat your cookies, I'll hide them under some wrapping paper or something.**

**Tor: They're actually not that bad once you get to know them. And something tells me that's not going to work, so I'll just have to make sure to get to them before anybody else.**

**010101000100000101001111: You do that. I'm dead right now though, so once I write down the address I'm going to sleep.**

**Tor: You're really going to leave me all alone like this?**

**010101000100000101001111: Yes. Suck it up buttercup.**

For what seemed like the millionth time in 15 minutes, Nel yawned.

'Yah,' she thought, 'it's definitely time to go to bed.'

She pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and jotted down the address Torin had sent. After sticking it in a place where prying eyes couldn't get it, she said goodnight to Torin and got in her bed. Pulling the covers around herself, she curled up in a ball and closed her eyes. Class would be horrible tomorrow, but she always had Torin to look forward to afterwards. And baking. There was always baking.

 


	4. Chapter 4: The People That Know You The Best Are The Ones That Will Tear You Apart

**February 27** **th** **, 2011**

Her mind felt blank. It was refreshing in a way. For the first time in a long time, everything was at a total calm. In all honesty, Nel knew it was probably better that way. After all, the alternative was to scream off into the distance at the unfairness of it all. But that alternative wasn't appealing at all. At least not to her.

Content in her silence, Nel closed her eyes and leaned back into the worn leather of Ms. Liv's couch. She could hear the soft buzz of voices murmuring around her, but the sound was nothing more than a minor disturbance in the calm waters of her mind. If she just ignored it, no one would bother her. After years surrounded by Ms. Liv's foster kids, she'd learned that that was just the way things worked

After a while, she noticed the sounds begin to steadily increase. Still, she ignored it. Finally, the noise stopped, and Nel was left alone to sit in her peace.

Though it felt like only minutes, Nel finally opened her eyes to see that the sun had set and she was now sitting in a dimly lit room. After her hours of blessed silence, it seemed her mind was ready to boot back up. Stray thoughts came rushing back in droves, and belatedly she realized that Ms. Liv sat seated in the plush arm chair in front of her.

It was obvious she'd been there for a while due to her positioning. Her head was cradled in her palm, and her eyes were drooped shut. Nel swallowed at the sudden dryness in her throat and moved to get up.

It appeared that sudden movements were a no go, however, because the moment she stood she could feel the stiffness in her bones. She groaned softly and tried to stretch.

" _Note to self,"_ she thought, " _do not ever sit still for that long again."_

Nel carefully made her way over to Ms. Liv and tapped her shoulder. The blonde woman jumped, but immediately calmed down when she realized that it was just Nel. The woman gave Nel a sheepish smile before quickly getting up as well.

Once standing, Ms. Liv gave Nel a large hug. Nel smiled slightly, and raised one hand to wrap around Ms. Liv in return. After a moment, Ms. Liv let go to look Nel in the eye.

"It shouldn't have happened that way, I'm sorry."

Her voice was soft, but it wouldn't have mattered to Nel if the woman had been screaming in fury. She didn't want to think about it at the moment. In fact, she didn't want to think of anything much at all.

Biting her lip, Ember slipped her hands into Ms. Liv's and stepped back.

"I'm okay, I think I'm just going to go to my room for the night though."

"Are you sure? I mean you just slept for three hours. Are you tired already?" Ms. Liv replied, looking slightly concerned.

Blushing, Nel opened her mouth to reply.

"I uh, I wasn't asleep."

Ms. Liv looked at her for a moment before giving her a watery smile and shaking her head.

"Fine then, go to sleep. If you need anything don't hesitate to wake me up okay?" she said gently, dropping Nel's hands.

Nel watched her go. Right when she reached the door of her room, she turned around and left Nel with one last thing.

"We're all going to miss her you know."

And with that she was gone.

Nel settled her hand on her stomach in an attempt to stop its incessant churning before turning to enter her room. She'd been feeling off all day, a sort of sluggishness in her bones that hadn't been there before. She felt it now more than anything, however. She was moving much slower than she normally would have, and the seconds it should have taken to slide her key into the lock on her door seemed to take hours. Once the door was open she slid inside and locked the door behind her. She'd made a point not to look at the door directly across from hers.

With a tired sigh, began the motions to ready for bed. Out of nothing more than habit, she started up her computer before unbuttoning her shirt. She hadn't bothered to turn on her lamp, as the luminescence of her computer screen was more than enough light for her to slip into her pajamas.

The soft material of her worn t shirt felt good against her skin, as always. Nel reached up to pull the clip out of her hair before sitting down in front of her computer. She felt her previously tightly confined curls spring free and settle in a frizzy mass at her shoulders. As always, she hadn't bothered to tame her mane, and instead opted to pull them back tight with a strong clip. As a result, her scalp was sore and she slipped her hand into her tresses to massage away the tenderness.

Nel glanced at the drawer containing her plethora of snacks, but for once, she wasn't hungry. This probably should have alarmed her, because usually she was  _always_  hungry, but she couldn't muster up the ability to care.

After a moment, Nel looked towards her screen to see that everything was all set up. After weeks of having to waste precious seconds waiting for her email to open up so that she could check for messages, she'd finally just rigged her computer to open email on startup along with google. Adjusting to a more comfortable position, Nel put her hand on her mouse and opened up her inbox.

She was only mildly surprised to find various emails and chat invites from Torin. She hadn't been on in a while. She opened them one by one, and read passively as each became slightly more worried. They started off with simple things like 'Hi' or 'What are you doing?' ,but after about a week they escalated to 'Are you okay?', until finally a month later there was ' I know you're not dead, I checked. So what's going on?'. The last one was funny. In fact, it probably would have made her smile. It should have.

Nel supposed he had a right to be worried considering she had never before taken more than a day to respond back to him, but at the moment, she could do nothing more than be passive about the whole situation.

She was probably spending too much time with him anyway. At least, that's what Rosa had said. Rosa had once spent hours telling her how weird it was that she talked to a guy who wasn't even her own age at least once every day without fail. Hell, the girl made it her goal to try to get Nel to spend a bit of time with 'actual people who don't live a bazillion miles away in some weird fucking place that is probably not really where he lives because hello, who tells the truth about anything online these days?' as the Latina had once so eloquently put it.

At the thought of her friend, Nel swallowed back what little breakfast she'd managed to consume that morning. She took a deep breath, and typed back a reply.

**010101000100000101001111 : I'm fine.**

It was short, and probably less than what he was expecting, but it would have to do. Knowing it would probably take him a bit of time to see her message, she prepared to do the only thing she'd been wanting to do since buttoning up her black shirt that morning: curl up in her bed and pretend like reality wasn't something she had to live in.

She'd barely had time to process that thought, however, before the tell tale ding of her instant message broke through the silence. Her eyes lingered on his reply even as her eyes watered and her heart clenched. People had been asking her the same question all day, and once she'd replied, some of them had even given her the same reaction, maybe in different words, that Torin had given her. But she'd been able to ignore them. She'd been able go through the day as strong as the rock they'd carved Rosa's name into. But somehow, someway, Torin had smashed her façade into smithereens. And it was probably because even though they'd never met in person, even though they were thousands of miles away from each other, even though it wasn't his responsibility to care, he was her friend. And a good one at that. So he'd managed tear apart her barriers with words printed on a screen. They were three simple words that she'd been blocking out all day, and yet after reading them for the twelfth time, she slammed her computer shut.

She tried to forget them, tell herself they were a lie, but even as she curled up in the center of her bed, they replayed themselves on the back of her eyelids for the rest of the night.

**No you're not.**

By the time morning came, her hair was an untamable mess, she had dried tear tracks on her cheeks, and the image of a girl with eyes like fire and hair like ink sat heavy on her heart.


End file.
